remember me as a time of day


It was New Year’s Eve 2013 (to be 2014) when Charlie asked me to marry him again. We were both home (I had to work very early next day) and I felt Charlie made sure to be around to provide me a good, simple and lovely night before putting me to bed.

Thinking about it now, I don’t think he asked me to marry him again. I guess it wasn’t a question, it seemed more like a statement. We have already been married for the past two years and as far as I recall, that’s how it all went.

“I think we should get married in Brazil next year. It’s already been too long and your parents aren’t getting any younger. So are us.”
I like to believe our timing has always been right. Charlie’s and I. And I guess most people don’t get that. Meet someone they totally connect with right away and hold hands on their first date. And then on the third date, have the boy ask the girl to be his girlfriend and then close to a month together have the boyfriend knee to the girlfriend at one night asking her to marry him.sent by Carmela to one of her sisters in law in September 21st, 20011

he’s an inspiring loving and kind human being (even though, as i told
his mother, he doesn’t realize how special of a human he is). he’s
charming, cute, funny, polite…. and perhaps my match. since we
started “dating” i find myself not recognizing the life i’ve been
living or the person i’m becoming or the one i’m  turning into. and
it’s been amazingly comfortable to be with him and to be my true self
with and around him.

Most people also don’t get to have the parents and mother I have. The parents that flew from Brazil simply for my engagment and the mother that asked us to sign papers the night before she and my dad flew back home.It seems a lot of my relationship with Charles was rushed. And yes, I agree. There was the fact I had overstayed my visa and was living in the US illegally and also the fact that Charles is a very impulsive man. But then, after all the crying and joy of rushing, and paperwork and me becoming a legally alien and that awesome surprise green card party and the unemployment period of our lives and then the other stuff… we stood still.Since Charlie didn’t quite ask me to marry him again on New Year’s Eve, I also didn’t quite responded. I knew what he meant (holidays are very hard on me – being homesick) and I also knew what he envisioned (visiting my home country for the first time as we get married in a church because without that, neither me or my mother would ever rest in peace).So I took a moment to think about the economics of it all (and that’s me as a wife, I think economics before anything else). Could we or can we make it? It’s holidays in Brazil, Christmas and New Years, just after the World Cup. Ok.- a green card renewal for me ($590),
– a new  Brazilian passport for me ($140),
– a brand new passport for Charles ($125)
– a Brazilian visa for Charles ($160)
– flying to Brazil? (let’s hold on that one)

What else…..? both of us not working while away (no payed vacation), all the month’s bills, rent, spare money for the trip, for after we get back, oh, boy! has anyone thought about who would take care of our boys??? (dogs)

Most of times it’s simply a look and we both understand what the other one is thinking. me: “Charlie, can we make it?” Charlie: “We’ll make it”. me: “then we’re doing it! we’re getting married in Brazil and spending Christmas with mom and dad!”

Of course Charles talked to his mom about it on that evening and of course I told mine as well. But in my case, by email. It was probably the dawn of the first day of the year for my parents in Brazil (one thing you should know about me is that I email my mom daily. and she does the same. and if any of us take more than two days to write, either I freak out or mom calls.)

So on the first day of 2014 I woke up to find an email from Charles’ mom. She congratulated us and said she and dad Warner would be there with bells on. She also sent me a link to a parish run by Jesuits, the one we’ve attended mass together long ago and that she mentioned it’s pretty liberal. As for my parents, according to my mom she read our message/idea/thoughts first and then showed to my dad to whom she asked “what do you think?” to which my dad replied “it’s too bad it didn’t happen this year”.

I can’t express how happy and excited my parents were. We talked later that day and oh boy…. I’m not sure if it’s my parents or my family or my culture or simply the news…. but those two dream fast or plan fast!

Since I’m not good with phone calls Charles contacted Loyola Parish to find out what we should do or what to should get ready for a Catholic marriage. The response was to contact a father – named Tom.

here is the part of the message I sent Father Tom.

It’s so hard to write this email because I don’t seem to find the right way to describe or portrait what’s in my heart. what’s probably what you should see or what i’d like you to see and know. what I can tell you is that since my late twenties I never thought I’d meet someone I’d adore, respect, love, devote myself to, share my life with and call my partner, my best friend and my husband. I’ve never dreamt of weddings, white dresses, prince charming, big parties. At some point in my life I’ve decided I was better off alone because perhaps I was asking too much. And I can’t say that about Charlie, but I can say it about myself – I do believe we met at the right time. Since our first date when he held my hand walking down the street from his house I fell I was home.Father Tom, being homesick is a feeling I’ve been carrying with me since I’ve learned how it feels. That was 16 years ago when I first came to the US for an exchange student program, through Rotary. I spent a year in Michigan. After that I spent 5 months in another exchange program in India and then in 2007 I left Brazil for a year in Prague (working) and since being in Denver (2008), I haven’t been back home.  I’ve been fortunate enough that my parents have been able to come to visit (every two years or so) but since Charlie came to my life I never thought a person could come in such an amazing package.Sorry if I say it like this but it’s like I won the lottery with Charlie. the family LOVE lottery.I often call Charlie my home but his family is now my family. I’ve now have three sisters, two brothers, a niece (which Charlie is the godfather) another nephew (adopted by Charlie’s youngest brother), 194 close relatives and the most loving in-laws someone could wish or dream about. Yes, I do call them Mom and Dad – because they are my parents now!
So why am I writing you??
Because I’m a Brazilian that haven’t got her marriage blessings/blessed or confirmed yet.
And because I’d like to get that at/from home. in Brazil. at my parents’ parish… (Jesus’ Sacred Heart Tom,…. Charlie and I are planning a trip for december. I don’t know how possible it is for us to get classes here and to have it transfer to Brazil but it would mean the world to me if we could.
do you think we can meet?

remember me as a time of day }
– song by Explosions in the Sky, from the album How Strange, Innocence.

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